Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
