Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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