Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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