Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
