just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
