she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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