he was CRYING into my vagina
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Couch. On fire.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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