let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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