I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
