One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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