why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
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Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
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We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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