His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
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We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
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I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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