Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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