I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
