rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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