I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
