I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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