haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
