I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
