Kiss
Puke
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
