I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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