I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
