i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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