Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
