took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
