I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
