Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
