I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
