you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
