you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
