My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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