You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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