my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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