Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
