i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We smell like vodka and hangover
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
