So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
