just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
