He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
