we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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