like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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