guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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