im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
