dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
