im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
