Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize