i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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