dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
