I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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