i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
