I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
