what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
