He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
