I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
