Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
