anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
