I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
