I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
