now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
