and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
