Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
