My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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