have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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