Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
