You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
