I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
