The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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