How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
