what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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