so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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