I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
