I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
