i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
vagina is talking i cant
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
