Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
