Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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