I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
