Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
