I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
